redemption

Day 2:

I entered the gym with my head a little lower. My knee looks nasty. Today I am running alone. My wife is at school. I am running 3 miles. I feel good, not tired from yesterday and I know this is my race. I've been running 5ks(3.1 mi) around three times a week for the last few months. Even though I know the likelihood of anyone remembering the events of yesterday I can't shake the feeling all eyes are on me thinking..."there's the guy that fell on the treadmill....twice." Paranoia. I know, it's in my head. Fortunately, this is my race.

I take a look around, typical crowd mostly exercise crazed elliptical junkies, a few people on treadmills and a lot of "juiced" guys lifting. I decided to assume a fairly prominent position in the middle of a long line of treadmills in front of several ellipticals and next to one of those guys who just got done lifting and is walk/jogging a steep incline with a hoodie trying to sweat as much weight off as possible. I pick him because he is struggling. Going slow. His slowness will make me look faster. Calculated. I start a warm up walk on the belt set a playlist and I'm off. It is supposed to be a moderate paced 3 mi, but that won't do. Today I have something to prove. I kick it up I'm going to run my first mile in 6:58 (for me that's fast). I glance around looking for that casual glance from the other runners checking my foot pace to get a sense of my ability. I find one. This feels good, now I just need to maintain, finish, impress. After 1.2mi I know I can't keep this pace for the entirety of the run. I turn it down I'll finish at 7:30 pace. Respectable. The other runner is looking again then he looks down. He's checking his display, he wants to know how fast I'm going wondering: how long has he been running? who will run longer? is he really going that fast? (It's all in my head. I know this but, I have something to prove). I'm sweating a lot. Definitely need to wipe the treadmill down after this run. I look next to me at the guy in the hoodie. He's looking at me, also sweaty. He gives a casual head nod (the kind guys give each other when they don't know each other well). Acceptance. Last mile now, just need to maintain, no problem. Focus on the music in my ears, watch the commercials count how many there are until the program comes back on. Quick look at the display. Stay centered don't drift. The other runner stopped, starts doing some core workouts (aww what's wrong are your legs tired?? Couldn't keep up with me???). Home stretch, here we go. 22:27. Redemption.

Time to stretch out. No shame today. The other runner is gone. I am victorious.

Am I in my own head? Oh yeah. Do I need to be to finish this? Definitely. Would I have it any other way? No way. I was a runner once. I am again.