Masseuse

Dear friends,
I am not a runner. I am a lazy excuse of a man, in fact. But this past week I ran five out of six days- a feat never before achieved by yours truly. So why the turning of this proverbial "new leaf" you may ask? Chicks man. Just chicks. And I must share with you, my brethren, the benefits of dedicating oneself to a task as demanding as the one to which we have now found ourselves recently dedicated to such a demand as this task to which we are driven (cabernet sauvignon anyone?) Last night, at a local Ann Arbor establishment where I was partaking of some fermented bevies with my medical comrades, I was approached by a woman of the utmost maturity. And by maturity I mean age. If I were thirty five, I may have found her attractive. But I am not thirty five my friends. I am twenty three. Anyway, this courageous cougar approached me and handed me her business card, with her cell number scribbled on the back. She encouraged me to phone her at my leisure if the interest was mutual. She was a masseuse.
The moral of this failed intergenerational pickup attempt, my dear friends, pertains to my attire that evening. I was wearing my brown sexy pants, you know the ones Luke-- they accentuate my shapely posterior region-- you know the region Bag. But my avocado shaped gluts must have been exceptionally toned from my week of unrivaled strenuous cardio activity, instead of their usual bulging and overbearing state. As such, my elder admirer obviously took note and could not resist herself (or myself?). This is the only plausible explanation I can conjure for why this bold masseuse took note of a lowly dirtbag med student like myself on such a magical night. And so I will continue to run. Not for the admiring masseuse, but for the potential of younger masseuses who may take note of my soon-to-be-stunning lower limbs and buns. Luke, as my only single companion in the endeavor, I think we should take a moment to revel in the amount of chicks that we will undoubtedly attract through this grueling training process. May it serve as constant motivation for us both. Dan and brent- you have wives, but I'm sure you've noticed the ladies looking your way lately as well. Run on my friend. Run on.